will you still like me when i arrive home & i'm not skin & bones anymore?
when i'm not a heart filled with broken glass for you to mend ?
when you can't kiss my skinny throat, because i'm average now?
when my mind and the delusions are no longer vivid?
when i can't see the shadow people with you?

are we on different pages now?
have you truly turned the page also?
was it all just a phase?
why did we dream in sync j?

i remember we'd sit in my car you & i remember when you told me your dreams stopped.
i kept thinking, but but, mine just begun. . .
you used to dream of me with a child with you & we had then two & i wore sundresses & i'd take them to the park to play in the sand and go on the swings & you'd be watching & you said i was the most beautiful wife & mother you've ever seen
But
in mine
we'd run around the city, collapsing, i'd be searching for you, you'd be searching for heroin, not helping me ... i'd be helping you get the heroin & escape the city but you didn't want anything to me.

they were strange & vivid dreams.
they are quite parallel to the way we treated each other, in retrospect, maybe.

you say yr sober now and i am worried that im going to regress w/ u