mister mister,
here here !

acute schizoid, eh? with the delusions & paranoia too? so you've been certified to boot, oh but proceed (by all means please) to tell everyone i am certifiable. GRADE A let's say ! like i'm some sort of friendly packaged and processed meat, creme de la creme, cream of the crop, floor fifteen on the pike, let's bring her to the psych!

she's mad
you say !
and:
her minds filled with riddles which twist and turn, and her arms well . . . they are filled with the strawberry burns ! her belly aches sir doctor, she hasn't eaten in days...you turn to look at me to indicate, i'm sorry lizzy i don't believe this is just a phase !

Oh...Okay.
i'll say. and:
continue please, you kicked me to the curb you rubbersoul void of soul over dyed sooth seeker non truth believer - but hey, for only $2.08 per gallon -go on, fill yr mind with the lies ! it's true : i lied through and through & if you were clever you would have learned to read the schemes - use the filter on yr newports, just as we do for the scag we put in the spoon . . . to remember just like the first time we shot up to CONNECT NOTHING & FILTER ALL instead of believing all the shit spewed out of my mouth like stew - you think my brains rotted ... ha ha you know, i almost believed you for a second or two that this was the truth, but hey baby you chose the wayward of the words i realized i searched for all the wrong blackbirds & this phase and moment of all my life but these things will subside...oh look...here she goes again...ranting and sing songing away . . .

SO J.K.,what do you expect? jokes on me now ay !
i'll never blame you for my needle streak though you'd prefer this, like a record trying to be played but it scratched and skips from the pin, no no darling dear that will not be me, i have my own choices you see, i chose the love of the blood & the love of the belt tied slightly too tight i chose the balance i left the amphetamines in exchange to be a dope fiend, so please now hop along let me be.


but...
"IF YOU HAD FIVE MINUTES TO LIVE, WHO WOULD YOU CALL...AND WHY ARE YOU WAITING?"

you see it's true you know. at age 23 yr the first boy i ever was in love with . . the first i felt a true emotion for. the rest? all part of the games i play...& remember sex versus the fuck versus the love? we'll i've still never made love not once in my life but i do believe we were quite close the last time . so thank you for that and thank you for this but now its time for the two of us to hop along and let me be dismissed. (though i really truly never wanted the parting of the seas to be this way...hello john cusack top 5 breakups? this will be the icing on the records)

leathertramp

i'll start measuring up to myself soon.

lets try not to sound like a 3 year old baby

my parents want to have me committed fucking stupid antics i am getting sober and now they think i am on things...finally im trying to be sober and this shit is pulled
they know i take vicodins all pist about that
okay...give me a pill or a perc or hand me the fucking needle then lets see your jaw drop
its all ridiculous really
im going through all these withdrawals with no medicine besides what i can find
amphetamine psychosis SUCKSi refill on friday so ill b e shitty til then
but j. has been there through it all

weve never been happier
he likes me sober
i like him sober too
its strange
hes the only one though
& i dont want to do it for him i gota do it for us or for myself or soemthing
last night i was sober
besides the percs
2 vics
klonopin
barbitute
(its like an appetizer)
i just elt good and loved and nothing was starry eyed for once

i want to improve on that
i dont want to be fucking institutionilized bc i know what im going through
my parents are fucking drama bores

there must be angels watching me somewhere but i do not even believe in those things anyways

there is genious in his splatter screen inventions, clamping the oil spilled screams of red peppers and american dreams through the use of a silver ring clamped out to a hollowed out pot belly ---
and i'm left
ever wondering if he still believes with his laughter and tell tale stories he once spoke to of me - ones where diners stapled together through now worn silverdollars, whatabout that day we drove past the raceway while new visions replaced old ways?
later
inish
maybe

secret passages

though yr only an illusion in my grander confusion orphaned & nurtured through sticky keys
it seems to me that these kaleidoscope eyes are tending to pry
opening wide for uncertain possibilities of 1AM suprises
& though chaotic desires you admit you admire
please realize these have nothing to do with anything between you and me
so all of the others may wonder why am i staying awake for these writings you bring ?
well sillies, he tends to bring out the madness ensued in the sea
and now these paper thin dreams are inked falsities of long distant memories & dawn breaking dreams
yet these are the ones i prefer to keep for my pseudo passions
so go on sad songs, chase the words not the birds of these daunting themes.....?

quickreminders

life ripples so jog on jog on sway with the birds way

he brought me truth justified:

he served his spoken words in a bowl
filled with a-l-p-h-a-b-e-t shapes
that created sounds through vowels
reminding me of new breathing techniques
and the words in this sea...please see:
they overflowed from a pastey red & white
camp-bells rang in my ears bringing in sounds new of the year
but the rust etched in our arms remained && so
in return (to sender)
betrayal was written & not through the vowels learned
or from the orange candy supr-eyes(d) brown eyes
but instead through the chaos you thought i came to mend
but my season of stitches still cannot comprehend
the life lines youve opened, feeding passion to these veins
and now you have said that i've taught you fear and shown you how to betray

but
to
my
lover
let
me
state
this:

i told you my love occurs in brief moments; it will bring you hope which in turn, forms great disappointments. ill always be married to these books i read & in turn you must play the mistress, you see. you were informed of this from day one so when you feel i'm playing games now realize they already begun.

(you will thank me one day. perhaps?)