also,
i laughed today
because
i realized
how fucking beautiful my dope dealer was
who keeps trying to date me
...
i was always nodding out when i saw him
i never even realized.
laugh laugh laugh
beauty in the blind perhaps
fade out
tune in
drop out
sync lips
dialect
never touched
our eyes will never meet
your bad news boy
--
and you, the dealer
always curiouser and curiouser as how to tie up
one thing i never liked was everyone asking me
to tie them up
it's not my job
i tied one person up
they quit forever
they lied & told me they did it before
i've had a lot of guilt over this
there are a lot of things i feel guilt over
but not
over
what ive turned myself into
i miss myself
i really suck sober