2009

was a good year with better music discovered compared to any other year
and we'd dance and read books like it was going outa style and we'd create create create and yr the sweetest thing i've ever seen


i love it all too much
----
i remember driving home from upstate that first night curled up in the back of the car with my headphones & cd player while everyone else had their mp3s i had my cds & you put as you are on it and i remember thinking of all our future slow dances
slow shows
hands feeling
soberthoughts
and i told you i'd never leave you and looks like we'er in it for the long hall now.
soinlovewithyou
---
back track
to 2008
sitting in my room
listening to twin sister's i want a house
discovering the pin
chatting with boys on aim
not remembering what was said
thinking of james in the back of my head
sometimes dj too
feeling warmth
feeling love
trying to listen to the damn song and watch lost
and read burroughs all at the same time
for once i felt accepted
it was the rush of the blood you could say
i haven't felt that way since then
you could say
i'm chasing something that doesn't exist

----
fast forward to maybe 2010 the national is always on repeat
and me & you are living together now
and you set up the apartment having slow show (or the apartment song?) playing
i think it was slow show
and you did your dumb dance
and you thought with your dick
(you could drive a car through my head in 5 minutes i want to start over from the beginning)
----
fast forward to 2014
listening to wilco
either way, where he says Jeff best:

Maybe you still love me, maybe you don't
either you will or you won't
maybe you just need some time alone
i will try to understand
everything has its plan
either way i'm gonna stay right for you
----
rewind to 20-21
i was a hot piece, i really was
tons of sexuality oozing all over that bitch
let's say i know what boys want by the waitress
(i see them looking, i make them want me, i like to tease them
they want to touch me i never let them)
it was a good time pre deej
and we rewind a few more years to KWS
first in fourth grade when i thought please dont go would be my wedding song
and then to jen, my old best friend who had too big of a mouth which ended it all
we used to drive in her car at 16 to that song and we knew we were entirely too cool
for the rest of that stupid high school with really bad music taste (laugh)
---then we got the YARDDBIRDS

yeah the yardbirds make me think of coke fueld nights at the bar
blowing lines with my brother
fucking dancing it up to old school music
saying fuck the world at 4 am walking to lex's
but before that more and more mounds of coke
it never ended when you had a brother looking out for your habit
---
sometimes my brain goes up and down and swirls around and around
its called being sober